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When a loved one has passed away after a long, painful illness or due to an unexpected happenstance, the numbing sensation that an essential part of your being is missing, still subsists. There is never a “convenient time” for a loved one to die.
BEFORE SUCH A TIME
- Talk about "what would you do if....." with each other. Discussing these matters helps the person as the "survivor".
- Make out a "Will". (see the Will category in this website)
- Decide who will assume child rearing (guardianship) for your children in the event of your death.
- Make sure you have all your important papers in order and you know where they are. (see Important Papers in this website)
- Do a little background research about the state and county and city requirements for burials. Some areas require a cement vault in which the casket is to be placed.
- The best way to avoid the hassle and pain of some decisions is to prearrange with a chosen funeral home and buy your cemetery plots and stone in advance. As with any other purchase, it is best to shop around before you need the items.
ITEMS TO CONSIDER
Remember that although the funeral director is there to help, it is still a business. It is best to take at least one person with you who can retain a bit of objectivity when you meet to discuss:
● caskets - there will be caskets displayed in the showroom. Remember to ask if there are any other models, not in the showroom and perhaps at a lower price. Do not be afraid to ask.
● funeral cards
● obituary notices - usually charged per word, not per notice
● cemetery plots
● headstones
● foot stones
● thank you cards
● fees for the funeral service
● burial fees
As you can see there are many thing to consider so we repeat:
The best way to avoid the hassle and pain of some decisions is to prearrange with a chosen funeral home and buy your cemetery plots and stone in advance. As with any other purchase, it is best to shop around before you need the items.
NOTIFICATION
Some of the places and individuals who need to be notified after the death of a loved one:
- Extended family members - if this is overwhelming for you to do, have someone else do this for you.
- Social Security Administration - 1-800-772-1213
- Do not cash any checks received for the month in which your spouse died or thereafter. They need to be returned to the SSA. If Social Security benefits were received via direct deposit, you will need to notify your bank also. You need to check on survivor benefits for both yourself and your children.
- Department of Veteran Affairs if your spouse was in the military to receive burial and memorial benefits.
- Automobile registration and insurance
- Work related associates
- Insurance policies
- Banks and credit unions
- Utility bills
- Credit cards and loan companies
- Organizations and church membership
- Landlord or mortgage company
- Telephone company, if you want your listing changed.
BEST ADVICE
If at all possible, make NO major decisions during the first year of grief. (new job, dating, sell the house, relocation) Sometimes a major decision becomes a necessary adjustment due to financial obligations or if you will be better served living nearer to extended family; decide carefully.
CRYING
It is okay to cry and cry and cry and then, when you think you have run out of tears, don’t be alarmed, when you find you can cry some more. It will eventually subside. Someday you will regain control. Don’t rush that point, a memory will be triggered and the grief and sorrow will return.
Cry when you feel like crying.
Laugh when you feel like laughing.
There really isn’t anyone who can go through your grief except you. You must go through it. Not over. Not around. Through.
BREATHING
Do not forget to breathe. In AND out. Nice and deep. When we become overwhelmed, one of the first things we do is take a deep breath and forget to let it out !!!
GOOD SAMARITANS
People will try to be supportive and want to help, but remember that someone, sometime, will say something dumb. Remind yourself that they probably are not trying to be hurtful; they simply do not know how to relate to what you are going through.
SUPPORT GROUPS
If you need a support group, find one.
If you need medication, seek the advice of a physician.
If you need counseling, get some.
Be the advocate of your well being, both mental and physical.
BOOKS THAT MIGHT HELP
"The Birth That We Call Death" by Paul H Dunn and Richard M Eyre
"Don't Let Death Run Your Life" by Paul H Dunn and Richard M Eyre - Bookcraft |
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